


healing

by labeledbones



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:38:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9362525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labeledbones/pseuds/labeledbones
Summary: “Come on,” Philip says. “Let’s see the badass scar.”Lukas is finally healed up, bandage off, stitches out, everything. A small victory, but still actual physical proof that they are healing. Even the smallest step over and forward is worth celebrating now, so Lukas promised Philip a big unveiling.Lukas' scar but mostly a few hundred words of angst.





	

“Okay, let’s see it,” Philip says, bouncing down on the bed across from Lukas. 

He’s smiling, actually smiling. Lukas makes another tally mark in his head: two smiles so far today and it’s only mid afternoon. Yesterday Philip gave him almost four smiles and he’s hoping they beat that today. Of course, Monday was a zero smile day and those are not Lukas’ favorite kind of days. 

But right now Philip is smiling and reaching out for the hem of Lukas’ shirt, impatient and silly. Lukas hasn’t seen him like this since- Well, it’s been a long time. He doesn’t want to question it too much, but he also isn’t sure where it’s coming from. He’s learned extreme changes in mood aren’t always a good thing. 

“Come on,” Philip says. “Let’s see the badass scar.” 

Lukas is finally healed up, bandage off, stitches out, everything. A small victory, but still actual physical proof that they are healing. Even the smallest step over and forward is worth celebrating now, so Lukas promised Philip a big unveiling. 

Truthfully, they haven’t been that physical with each other lately, not with everything that’s happened and still happening. They still kiss and there’s been a hell of a lot of hand holding, but Lukas hasn’t felt Philip’s skin against his in so long that he’s going a little crazy. He’s not going to push Philip into anything. He’s willing to be as patient as Philip needs, but he misses being close to him like that, misses it like hell. 

So he pulls his shirt over his head with little grace or prelude and takes in a sharp breath when Philip’s fingertips immediately go to the scar on his chest. Both from the contact and because it’s still a little tender. The scar is small, honestly, about the size of a quarter, and not nearly as gnarly as Lukas had thought it would be. 

“I was hoping it would be more impressive, you know, considering I almost died,” Lukas laughs. Philip doesn’t. Lukas has said a word that isn’t allowed anymore, and he watches Philip’s jaw set, firm and serious, his eyes going a little dark. He mentally erases the tally marks he’s made for today’s smile. They’re null and void now. He’s ruined it.

“Philip,” he says. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Philip is still looking at the scar, won’t meet Lukas’ eyes. He’s gone now, somewhere deep in his own head. Lukas still hasn’t figured out how to bring him back when he goes away like this. He only knows how to wait it out. He only knows how to still be there when Philip does eventually come back. 

And so when Philip leans forward and covers the scar on Lukas’ chest with his mouth, warm and soft and here, Lukas starts to cry. He feels too much for Philip sometimes. He doesn’t know what to do with it. There is so much darkness and pain around them, but Philip is still the best thing, the only thing. 

Philip pulls back, his eyes moving from Lukas’ chest to his mouth to his eyes. Lukas reaches out and touches his face, palm against his cheek. He hasn’t said it, so he says it now, “I _love_ you.” He stresses that second word, trying to convey the way the feeling is slamming against his chest, almost choking him.

Philip doesn’t say anything back. He turns his head into Lukas’ palm and Lukas can feel Philip’s wet tears on his skin. Philip reaches up and takes Lukas’ hand in both of his own, looking down at their hands when he says, “I can’t-” and his voice comes out choked, wet, he looks up at Lukas, “I can’t say it now. Is that okay? I just- I can’t say it now.” 

Lukas has a selfish thought: that he wants them to be happy right now. That he doesn’t want to have to wait months and months, or however long it’s going to take, for them to be able to just be happy together again. He feels unfairly angry that he’s telling Philip he loves him for the first time and Philip is crying and can’t say it back. It’s not how he’d pictured this. He’d pictured them laughing and half naked, Philip’s wide smile when he finally said it, the freedom of hearing this beautiful boy say the same words back to him. 

But this is what they have now. He knows he can’t change it, and he is so damn grateful for the simple fact of Philip’s existence. 

Lukas leans forward and kisses Philip as firmly as he can. “It’s okay,” he says against Philip’s mouth. “It’s okay.” 

Philip pulls back, has both his hands on either side of Lukas’ face, presses his forehead against Lukas’, and breathes out. “I feel it, I promise. Just don’t go anywhere before I can say it.” 

“I’ll be sitting right here, waiting,” Lukas says, and he kisses Philip again and again and again and he can feel Philip starting to smile.


End file.
